Services  /  Men's and women's counselling

Separation therapy

Individual counselling for men and women going through a separation or divorce. Your session, about you.

This is individual therapy, not couples work you come on your own and the hour is yours. If you both want to be in the room, that is couples counselling. If the conversation you need is about arrangements for the children, that is co-parenting mediation.

What separation actually takes out of you

Separation is rarely one loss. It is the relationship, and usually also the house, the routine, the shared friends, the version of the future you had already half-built, and for a lot of people the daily presence of their own children. Most of that arrives at once, while you are still expected to work and function.

People often arrive here saying they should be handling it better. Usually they are handling far more than they are counting.

This is a space to think out loud without managing anyone else's reaction to it. Not advice about what you should have done, and not a push towards any particular outcome.

The decision itself

Whether you are the one who left, the one who was left, or still deciding. Each of those is a different kind of hard, and the middle one is the least talked about.

Anger and resentment

Somewhere to put it that is not a text message, a solicitor's bill, or a conversation the children can hear.

Guilt about the children

What they have seen, what they have been told, and what you can still do about how they come through it.

Holding it together at work

Concentration, sleep, and the exhaustion of performing normal for eight hours before you get to feel anything.

Loneliness and identity

Who you are outside the relationship, especially if it was long. This is the part that outlasts the paperwork.

What comes next

Rebuilding at your own pace, rather than the pace of everyone asking whether you are back out there yet.

Men and women both

Whoever you are in this

We see men and women through separation, and we do not assume in advance which of you was carrying what. Some people want to work with a therapist of the same gender and can say so when booking. See men's counselling and women's counselling.

If there has been family violence in the relationship, say so early. It changes what is safe and useful, and it changes what we would recommend.

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Common questions

Is this couples counselling?

No. Separation therapy is individual. You come on your own and the session is about you, not about negotiating with your former partner. If you both want to be in the room together, that is couples counselling. If what you need is a structured conversation about arrangements for the children, that is co-parenting mediation.

Can we both come, separately?

Yes, and it is common. You would each have your own sessions, and where possible with different therapists, so that neither of you is sharing a room with the other's version of events. Say so when you book and we will arrange it that way.

Do I have to have decided to separate?

No. A lot of people come while they are still deciding, and that is a legitimate reason to be here rather than a waste of a session. Nobody will push you towards leaving or towards staying.

Will you tell me whether to get back together?

No. That is your decision and you are the one who has to live inside it. What therapy can do is help you make it with a clear head rather than in the middle of the worst week, and help you understand what you actually want rather than what you are reacting to.

I have never done therapy before. What is the first session like?

Mostly listening. You describe what has happened and what it is doing to you, in whatever order it comes out, and there is no expectation that you arrive with it neatly organised. By the end of it you and your therapist will have some sense of what the work would focus on.

Can I get a letter for my family law matter?

Yes. Your therapist can prepare a letter if one is required, covering attendance, engagement and progress. The cost varies depending on the report type and will be confirmed with you during the session. See family counselling for the full list of what a report can contain.

Can I see someone online?

Yes. Every practitioner sees clients online by secure video anywhere in Australia, and separation is one of the areas where that matters most, because people often move out, move in with family, or move cities partway through.

What if I am worried about my children rather than myself?

Bring that. It is one of the most common reasons people book. We also work directly with children and teenagers, so if it becomes clear they would benefit from their own support, that can happen within the same practice. See children's counselling.

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