Services  /  Relationships and family

Co-parenting mediation

A structured, neutral conversation about the arrangements for your children, with someone in the room whose job is to keep it on track.

This is not couples counselling the relationship is not what we are working on. The arrangements for the children are. Couples counselling is a different service.

What mediation is for

Separated parents often agree on more than the conversation suggests. What goes wrong is usually the conversation itself: old arguments arrive uninvited, one person talks and the other waits, and the practical decision never gets made.

Mediation puts a neutral person in the room to hold the structure. You each get heard, the discussion stays on the arrangements rather than the history, and you leave with decisions rather than a rematch.

Time and handovers

Who has the children when, how changeovers happen, and what occurs when something falls through at short notice.

Decisions about the children

School, health, activities, travel. Which decisions are made together, which are not, and how each of you finds out.

How you communicate

What gets discussed where, keeping the children out of the middle of it, and what a workable message between you looks like.

Special occasions

Birthdays, holidays and religious occasions, agreed in advance rather than negotiated the week before every time.

What it helps with

  • Changeovers that turn into an argument in the driveway
  • A schedule that never quite gets agreed
  • Decisions about school and health made twice, or not at all
  • Messages that escalate within three replies
  • Birthdays and holidays negotiated late, every year
  • Short-notice changes with no agreed way to handle them
  • Children carrying messages between two houses
  • Old relationship arguments arriving in practical conversations

Before you book

Is mediation right for us?

Mediation works when both of you are willing to be in the conversation, even if you disagree about most of what is in it. It is not the right setting where there is family violence, or where one person cannot speak freely with the other present. If that is your situation, call us and we will talk through what would suit better.

This is not a court process and we do not make orders. What comes out of it is your agreement, and if a family law matter is underway your therapist can prepare a letter setting out attendance and progress. See family counselling for what that covers.

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Common questions

Do we both have to come?

Yes. Mediation is a conversation between the two of you, so it does not work with one person in the room. If your co-parent is not willing to attend, individual counselling is still worth having, because how you handle your side of it changes how the arrangements run. Separation therapy is the usual starting point there.

Is this the same as court-ordered mediation?

No. This is a private conversation between the two of you with a therapist holding the structure. It is not a court process, we do not make orders, and nothing said here is a substitute for legal advice. If a family law matter is already underway, your therapist can prepare a letter setting out attendance and progress.

What if we cannot agree on anything?

That is less common than it feels beforehand. Most separated parents already agree on more than the conversation suggests, and what has been failing is the conversation rather than the substance. Where a genuine deadlock remains at the end, you will at least have it written down clearly, which is more useful to a lawyer than a long history of arguments.

Will the children be in the room?

No. This is a conversation between the two of you about the arrangements for them. Keeping children out of the negotiation is one of the more protective things separated parents can do, and it is part of what the structure is for.

How many sessions does it take?

It varies with how much is unresolved. Some pairs work through the practical arrangements in a short run of sessions, others come back when something changes, such as a new school year or one household moving. You are not signing up to a fixed program.

What if there has been family violence?

Then mediation is not the right setting and we would ask you not to book it. Sitting in a joint session can leave the person at risk worse off afterwards. Please call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 first, which is the national family violence and sexual assault line and is open 24 hours. Then call us and we will work out the right support with you.

Is what we agree legally binding?

No. What comes out of mediation is your agreement with each other, not a court order. Plenty of parents run on that agreement for years without going near a court. If you want it made binding, that is a conversation with a lawyer, and a clear written outcome from mediation gives them something to work from.

Can we come back later if things change?

Yes, and many do. Arrangements that suited a five year old stop suiting a teenager, work changes, people move. Coming back for a session to reset the arrangements is a great deal calmer than letting it slide back into the old argument.

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