Services / Relationships and family
Infidelity and affair recovery
Work out what happened and what you want, before you decide anything. Together, or on your own.
What affair recovery counselling is
The weeks after an affair comes out are their own kind of chaos. Sleep goes. The same conversation runs at two in the morning and again at breakfast. One person needs to talk about it constantly and the other cannot stand to. Both of you are being asked to make a decision about the rest of your life at the precise moment you are least able to think.
Counselling here is not about persuading you to stay or giving you permission to go. It is about slowing the whole thing down enough to understand what actually happened, what it meant, and what each of you needs before anything gets decided.
Some couples rebuild, and the relationship afterwards is not the one they had before. Some separate, and do it with less damage than they would have on their own. Both are legitimate outcomes of this work.
What it helps with
- The first weeks after discovery, when nothing feels stable
- Intrusive thoughts and images that will not stop
- Checking phones, and the exhaustion of it
- Deciding how much detail is useful and how much is not
- Rebuilding trust through evidence rather than promises
- Shame, and defensiveness that comes out of it
- Emotional affairs and online relationships
- Working out whether to rebuild or to separate
Common questions
Do we have to know whether we are staying together before we start?
No, and most couples do not. Deciding is usually the last thing that happens, not the first. The early sessions are about steadying things enough to think clearly, because a decision made in the first fortnight after discovery is made by the shock rather than by either of you.
Can I come on my own?
Yes. Many people do, whether they are the one who was betrayed or the one who had the affair. Individual sessions are the right place to work out what you actually want before you try to negotiate it with the other person. If your partner joins later, that is common and welcome.
Do we have to go through the details of what happened?
Not all of them, and not on day one. Some detail usually matters, because being told a version that keeps changing is its own injury. But there is a difference between the facts that let someone rebuild a coherent story and the ones that only supply images they cannot unsee. Working out where that line sits for you is part of the work.
How long does it take to rebuild trust?
Longer than the person who had the affair expects, and rarely as long as the person who was betrayed fears. Nobody can give you a date. What can be said is that trust comes back through repeated evidence over months rather than through one conversation, and that the pace is set by the person who was hurt, not by the one who wants it to be over.
What if I am the one who had the affair?
You are not walking into a room to be sentenced. Understanding how it happened is necessary work, and it is not the same thing as excusing it. People arrive carrying real shame, and shame that has nowhere to go tends to come out as defensiveness, which then makes everything harder for both of you.
If we attend separately, is what I say kept from my partner?
Yes. What you say in an individual session is kept confidential from your partner unless you authorise it to be shared. You decide what gets brought into a joint session and what does not.
Can we do this online?
Yes. Sessions run by secure video anywhere in Australia, together on one screen or joining separately from different locations. In-person sessions are available in Bankstown.
Is joint counselling right if there is violence or fear in the relationship?
No. If there is violence, fear or intimidation in your relationship, a joint session is not the right place to start and we would ask you not to book one. Sitting in a joint session can leave the person at risk in a worse position afterwards.
If that is your situation, please call one of the numbers at the foot of this page first. 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 is the national family violence and sexual assault line and is open 24 hours. Then book an individual appointment, so we can work out the right support with you.
Who you'd be working with
Shuv Homsi
Lead Therapist · ACA-Registered Clinical Supervisor
Shuv works with individuals, couples and families on relationship and marriage therapy, substance use and emotional wellbeing. His own journey through addiction and recovery shapes how he works: empathy and authenticity first, then practical strategies that hold up in real life.
You will be allocated to the therapist who best meets your needs once you have booked. You do not have to work out who you need to see before you have spoken to anybody.
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Not sure if this is the right place to start?
Book an appointment and say what has happened. You do not have to work out what you need, or who you need to see, before you book.
Before you book: the form asks for a few details, including an emergency contact. If you do not have a diagnosis, writing "none" is a perfectly good answer. And if you are booking for someone else, say so in the "relationship to client" field and we will work it out from there. If there is a particular therapist you would like to see, put their name in the "Additional Information" box and we will take it into account.
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Are you in crisis?
- In an emergency, call 000
- Lifeline 13 11 14
- 1800RESPECT 1800 737 732
- Beyond Blue 1300 224 636
- Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467