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Dealing with Anxiety – Part 4: Anxiety and Control – Learning to Let Go Safely
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Why Anxiety Grabs for Control Anxiety often increases the need for control.
When the nervous system feels unsafe, the mind tries to manage risk by planning, checking, avoiding, or overthinking.
Control becomes a way to prevent feared outcomes — even when those outcomes are unlikely.
While control can feel protective in the short term, it often keeps anxiety active and exhausting.
🔄 The Control–Anxiety Loop
Trying to control anxiety can unintentionally strengthen it.
This loop often looks like:
• anxious thought appears
• control behaviour follows (checking, reassurance, avoidance)
• brief relief is felt
• anxiety returns stronger next time
The nervous system never learns that it can cope without constant control.
🛑 Why Letting Go Feels Scary
Letting go of control doesn’t mean being careless — it means tolerating uncertainty.
For someone with anxiety, uncertainty can feel dangerous, even when it isn’t.
Common fears include:
• “If I stop controlling this, something bad will happen.”
• “I won’t be able to cope.”
• “I’ll lose control completely.”
These fears are about safety, not weakness.
🌱 What Letting Go Actually Means
Letting go safely means loosening control gradually, not all at once.
This can involve:
• allowing discomfort without reacting immediately
• delaying reassurance or checking behaviours
• staying present even when anxiety rises
• trusting your ability to respond if needed
This teaches the nervous system resilience, not risk.
🧠 Rebuilding Trust in Yourself
Anxiety often erodes self-trust.
Learning to let go includes rebuilding confidence in your ability to handle discomfort.
Helpful reminders include:
• “I’ve survived anxiety before.”
• “Discomfort is not danger.”
• “I can respond if something happens.”
Self-trust grows through experience, not reassurance.
⚖️ Control vs. Safety
True safety comes from flexibility, not control.
The goal is not to eliminate anxiety, but to show your nervous system that it doesn’t need to stay hyper-vigilant to keep you safe.
Small, repeated moments of letting go create long-term calm.
🌿 Final Thoughts 💞🌈
Anxiety convinces us that control equals safety.
Healing begins when we learn that safety can exist even without constant control. Letting go is not giving up — it is teaching your nervous system that you are capable, resilient, and safe enough.
